Pop Ex Machina

This is a motherfucking KYLIE MINOGUE APPRECIATION POST because it’s her birthday today, bitches, and she is one of the greatest pop stars EVER.

“Love at First Sight” is perfectly playful and remains one of my favorite Kylie songs. I can put it on anytime and instantly feel better. It sounds like a Sonic the Hedgehog score, and someone was clearly thinking the same thing because the video even looks like a video game level. When I saw this video as a teenager, I tried so hard to replicate the big pants + white tank top + chunky jewelry look that Kylie rocks in the video (black lacy thong not included because I was, you know, 14):

Not a lot of people know about this song (or the album, Body Language). Kylie slipped off the US radar after the success of Fever. This song is fantastic though—the production is subtle but masterful, and it’s probably Kylie at her sexiest (vocally, physically, etc.).

Before there was “We Found Love”, there was “In My Arms”—the latter being a much better Calvin Harris production, in my opinion. This video is everything—one of my favorite Kylie videos.

As Kylie ages, there is a lot more pressure to put excessive amounts of lighting on her face, which explains the lights attached to her hands. Cancer did age her, but I still think she looks great. That’s the industry, I guess. At least the lights make everything look pretty! I love this song and video. So sassy. It’s the perfect empowerment anthem.

unnnnghhhhh, she is so fine in “Spinning Around”. Kylie dancing in a club makes ME want to go to a club and exude the same level of confidence she seems to radiate here.

Kylie in her weird indie stage, probably one of my favorites:

Kylie on her Garbage/Letters to Cleo ish:

Okay, taking a break from the weirdness (it’s a good weirdness!), here’s the video that probably made you ask questions as a teenager (it certainly made me ask questions):

But really, these producers were listening to way too much Massive Attack:

God, what’s better than a Greg Kurstin-produced pop song? Not much:

Hey, a giant orgy:

Aww, baby Kylie, still so innocent:

Kylie as a Marilyn Monroe impersonator/lounge singer?

This never came out in the US, but I enjoy early aughts Eurodance, so (also the video is hilariously cinematic):

OK, this is a FUCKTON of videos, so I’ll finish off with her latest video (and a fantastic addition to the catalog):

Alexandra Stan - “Mr. Saxobeat”

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WELCOME TO THE ROMANIAN POP APPRECIATION POWST!

I have been raging about K-Pop a lot lately, but I would like to turn my attention to another variety of pop that comes from Romania and Moldova. They are two different countries but share a common language AND common pop stars. I generally refer to this variety as Romanian pop because it is often in Romanian or involves English-Romanian code-switching.

You might have heard of Romania, but I bet you’ve never even heard of Moldova because you’re probably from the United States (like me) and therefore know nothing about geography (sorry, I can’t claim the same stereotype there). Hey, don’t blame us—blame the us-first-and-no-one-else-matters worldview that we have been spoonfed since infancy! And look at it this way—at least now you know something about Moldova! What a great export for your country to be known for, if nothing else: cheesy Eurodance.

Is Romanian pop any different from your average Eurodance? No, not really. But what we have now is contrast—Eurodance is being created for and marketed to American audiences right now, so it is somewhat dumbed down and much more populist in order to appeal to Americans who might be freaked out by the oddities that, say, Romanian pop tends to have. That didn’t really stop them from loving some of the biggest Top 40 hits last year that were Romanian, such as “Mr. Saxobeat”. Clearly America is not that weirded out by Eurodance, although I am sure these Romanian songs might have gotten lucky.

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Sun Stroke Project & Olia Tira - “Run Away” (Live)

One of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. The costumes, the bad English, the neon-lit electric violin… But you can’t deny that sax hook—so good that people on YouTube made clips of the guy (actually called Epic Sax Guy) thrusting and playing the sax FOR TEN HOURS.

PROOF:

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Actually good:

Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina - “Stereo Love” http://youtu.be/dy2nBvtkgyE

Check out the mashup of this song and “No Hands” when you get a moment. It actually works better than Waka’s original production.

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The opening dialogue in “No Limit” is painful, and wtf is she saying (Freakin’ hand or freakin’ here? Freak IN here?) but this song (like “Stereo Love”) has glossier, slightly more sophisticated production compared to its predecessors.

Inna - “No Limit”

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And of course we have to close this out with good ol’ fashioned Romanian-Moldovan Europop ridiculousness:

You can’t deny it—the Romanians and Moldovans love an unforgettable hook, and they’re creepily good at it. Last year marked a resurgence of Romanian pop in the U.S. airwaves, and I certainly hope it continues. It tends to stand out as slightly exotic and refreshing, especially as top 40 radio continues to lunge toward dubstep-inflected electropop.

WHERE WERE YOU IN ‘92?

THERE WILL NEVER BE A BETTER SAMPLE THAN THIS. WHY DON’T MORE ARTISTS SAMPLE KATE BUSH?

Sorry for the perpetual caps lock and the lame audio quality.

Here’s the re-released, re-mastered, re-everything video/song that Utah Saints put out in 2008: http://youtu.be/V-OuTWswP_U

IT DOESN’T HAVE THAT OLD HOUSE SOUND THOUGH

P.S. It’s entirely possible that I have posted this exact same post before. O WELL.

Boa - “Eat You Up”

production credits: Henrik Jonback (Madonna, Britney Spears, Kylie Minogue, Sugababes)

Obsessed with this song right now, even though it was released in ‘08/’09. The video is pretty badass too—I like how it doesn’t really sexualize her image, even though the lyrics are sexual. They just have her running around, looking tough and wrecking some prissy ballet company. That’s the way to do it; you shouldn’t always have to sell sex in pop music. It gets boring/predictable after a while.

Boa, I’m sorry that I spent years refusing to give you a chance.

Holy shit. THIS RIGHT HERE. That Terror Squad beat, that attitude, not a lot of makeup, just walking around the streets of the city. This is what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!

When I see stuff like this, I have to be like, “Dear Old Nicki, please call back.”

Maybe you died ‘cause everybody ask me where you at
I try to channel you in hopes that I could steer you back
But it’s like every intersection we just missed each other
You got your fans waiting tell me you ain’t 6 feet under
And tell me that you’re coming back that you just took a break
Maybe I blamed you for everything that was my mistake
In hindsight I loved your rawness and I loved your edge
‘Cause it was you who talked me down from jumping off the ledge
Your earrings bamboo, your long nails too
Your BMW every time you came through
You was the braveheart
You stole Wayne heart
You never switched it up
You played the same part
But I needed to grow
And I needed to know
That there were something inside of me that I need to show

So I just deaded you
Left you in all black
But dear old Nicki
Please call back

—“Dear Old Nicki”

I mean, she wrote that song—I always thought it was weird how they let her put it on Pink Friday, since that was the album that was supposed to revamp her image. And here is this anthem sort of longing for the old image. Sometimes I wonder if Nicki feels trapped by her success. I remember watching a special on MTV and she looked so miserable. And the way she described feeling trapped by her makeup and wigs and how relieved she was to take it all off at the end of the day…

Oh, and then there was that interview where she was like (I’m paraphrasing here), “I would have never released ‘Your Love’ as a single.” I got the sense that the popularity of that song forced her hand to go in a certain direction for Pink Friday.

I just don’t know, man. I feel sorry for her.

SPEAKING OF NICKI MINAJ’S LATEST SINGLE

I feel as though I waffle on Nicki a lot—some days I’m extremely frustrated with her, while other times I’m totally enamored of her. Lately (especially after that awkward Grammy performance) I’m certain that I appreciate the CONCEPT of Nicki Minaj more often than the actual execution. This is certainly one of those rare times that I am stoked on the execution. Sure, I will continue longing for the days of Nicki the Badass Mixtape Rapper because I feel that we need a solid mainstream female rapper more urgently than we need another anime-meets-Bratz influenced pop star, but I can’t hate on her for having pop ambition. RedOne is one of my favorite producers anyway (although he has done his best work with Gaga, hands down—he probably is better at refining a song that’s already been composed rather than taking the helm).

Katy Perry was trying SO HARD to be this tonight at the Grammys. Girl, bye.